Meetings (To be or not to be)

I haven’t been to AA in a month and Therapy in 3 weeks. Why?? I don’t feel like I have anything to discuss. I’m living my life one day at a time and no it’s not perfect but it’s not as messed up as it was. I record my activity daily, I’m trying to take better care of myself, getting along with my husband and hoping spring brings joy to my life. I see my mom 3 x week. See my grandkids at least once a week. Do I still need a mtg maybe but I’m doing it my way right now.

Catching up

The journey continues. It is getting better but it’s far from over. Trying to get things done doesn’t take everything out of me anymore. Moving forward slowly and just trying to be happy. Things in my life need to change but am I brave enough to change them. Time will tell. The voices in my head are slowly getting quieter. Where do I go from here time will tell. 6 months sober and counting.

Get out of my HEAD!!!

I wish I could keep the voices in my head under control. The thoughts that I cant stop “I should of said this.” “Why did they do that?” “What did they mean by that?” “Why is everyone lying?”

It goes on and on, all day and night. The suspicion,the anxiety the feeling of depression. The anger and the tears come at will. Both are uncontrollable.

I realize now I’ve always been this way and the alcohol and pills helped me control it. Now that’s gone there is no way to control my feelings and behaviors.

Where do I go from here? Do I want to start drinking again? Hell yea I do… Do I want to go back to where I was when I drank? Not in a million years. Can I keep myself on the right track? I sure hope so but at this point I can only say “One day at a time”.

Shame

Don’t be ashamed.

If you’ve already gotten help or have some sobriety under your belt, and you’re breaking the news to your loved ones, do it without shame. You should be proud of yourself for facing your addiction head on and making changes in your life. As long as you accept who you are, what you’ve been through, and stay committed to where you’re going, your loved ones will understand.

Family of the addict

No one told me how hard it was gonna be on my Family (specifically my husband) while I was getting sober. Trying to get sober and do the right things for my recovery is really impacting my Husband.

First let me start by saying he loves me and wants more than anything for me to be sober. He supported me thru detox, he supported me thru PHP (30 days), and he supports me going to AA where we live… so where does he have the problem you ask. After PHP I then attended IOP in Lexington. It was 3 hours a day, 4 days a week for 5 weeks. This mtg is one of great importance for me because it is led by a great Therapist and it is a small group of people in which 2 of the people I went to JP in Bowling Green are also attending . Throughout the whole 5 weeks he would constantly ask me if I was going to a mtg today? He would ask me’Isn’t this your last mtg?? Etc… now we are beginning the aftercare portion of the program and he cannot understand why I need the aftercare. I have tried talking to him about my feelings and needs and tonight shared a podcast about addiction with him. Has it helped? I don’t think it did. We both had a terrible time sleeping last night and of course I made it about me but this morning he woke up and was upset about property lines???? I don’t understand where to go from here or what to do. The mtgs are important to me and I feel they are helping me in my recovery. How do I get him to understand? How do we move forward?