I wish I could keep the voices in my head under control. The thoughts that I cant stop “I should of said this.” “Why did they do that?” “What did they mean by that?” “Why is everyone lying?”
It goes on and on, all day and night. The suspicion,the anxiety the feeling of depression. The anger and the tears come at will. Both are uncontrollable.
I realize now I’ve always been this way and the alcohol and pills helped me control it. Now that’s gone there is no way to control my feelings and behaviors.
Where do I go from here? Do I want to start drinking again? Hell yea I do… Do I want to go back to where I was when I drank? Not in a million years. Can I keep myself on the right track? I sure hope so but at this point I can only say “One day at a time”.